He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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