I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
