Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize