We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
