I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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