Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
