I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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