there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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