How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
