i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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