You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
