She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
