it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
jump out the window naked night went bad
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
