once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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