if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize