God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
