My hair reeks of homosexuality.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
