Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
