so let's talk penis.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
