he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
