; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
