Swine flu. Run for my life!
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
