Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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