U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
