Your face is a jimmy john
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
