hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
operation have a gay friend backfired
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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