it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
