i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
