i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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