He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Randomize
