I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
