Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
