Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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