I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
bring money and cleavage
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
did you just send me my own nude
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
