i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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