I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
