just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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