U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
