dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize