so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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