I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
