Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
