I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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