So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
