Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
