check it out our google latitudes are spooning
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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