I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
