I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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