just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
