how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
