ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
