either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
