Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
