watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do vagina's smell?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I would fuck him just for his dog
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
