apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
