6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That's how pantless uber rides happen
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
