girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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