she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
