did you get engaged???
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
