Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize
