you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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