walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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