apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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