If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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