as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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