I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
