I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
