it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
