I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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