I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
