Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
