It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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