So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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