I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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