I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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