Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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