You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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