grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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