Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
