Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
