I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
