I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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