Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
handjob tips. give me some.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
