my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
