i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
