Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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