Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
