if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
