Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
