I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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