I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
