What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
