i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize